All good things must come to an end.

Today is the last day of me being a stay at home mom. First thing Monday morning it's back to my office, back to the working for money world. I really thought I had made peace with it but today I'm barely keeping it together. I took the kids to daycare this morning to play for an hour and a half while I stayed, to make the transition somewhat easier in particular for Jonah who's never been cared for by anyone but me (Katie has been to this daycare before but it's been a year). Jonah took to it like a duck to water, waddling around, playing with the toys, making new friends. I guess that's a really good thing but it just makes me ache.

I honestly, truly know how lucky I am, how blessed I am to live in a country where I can take my baby's first year off, stay home with him, give him all of the benefits of a full time mommy for the first year and get paid for it. But it makes it so much harder to go back when the time comes. Going back when baby is 6 weeks, or 6 months, is hard but going back when baby is 11 months and a real little person just rips me apart. It's almost harder to leave Katie - she's developed into such a charming person, I (mostly) enjoy her company and our conversations immensely. I really feel like I have so much more to give them.

We tried every senario on paper to find a way for me to stay home but it just isn't feasible. The marvelous benefit Canadians are afforded come at a price, a very steep price that sees nearly half of our paycheques lost to various levels of taxation. What's left after the government takes their share isn't enough for most families to make it on one paycheque, no matter how frugally they live. *sigh* I'm rambling now. I'm just so very very sad.