patience

I made milkshakes for the kids after dinner tonight and Katie spilled hers. Before I could stop myself I scolded her (I'd already mopped the diningroom twice today), and she burst into tears. In a flash I was transported back to all of those times in my own childhood where an adult sucked all of the pleasure out of something eagerly anticipated, that horrible hollow feeling flooded back. I apologized and told her I love her (and I made her more milkshake) but the damage is done. Why am I so damned impatient? She's only 3, she's supposed to spill. It's the reason we put wood down in the diningroom. And just Thursday I had a medical specialist tell me her depth perception is impaired, yet I snap at something as stupid, literally, as spilled milk. I could chalk it up to my lack of sleep but that would be a cop out. I pledged to myself that I would work on my patience this year but it's mid-August and I don't feel like I've made any real improvements. My family deserves better than this. What do I do?