Thursday, March 17, 2005

can't buy me love

Tonight Katie told me "some mamas have babies born in their tummies and some mamas give some money to the 'hossible' and get babies". Where in the name of heaven do they come up with these things? We had a brief discussion about how all babies come from a woman's tummy but sometimes that woman is just helping another mama who can't keep her baby in her own tummy. It was a pretty lame explanation but it hadn't occured to me that adoption would come up with my 4 year old anytime soon. We have no friends who have adopted (though we have friends who are hopeful) and I can't remember ever talking about it. Strange the conversations you can have with a little person.

I've read so many wonderful posts lately about the joys of being home with your little people. I'm always heartbroken the leave in the mornings but lately I'm downright depressed. They seldom fuss about going to the sitter and they're well cared for but dammit I MISS them and I hate being so uninvolved in their day to day lives. Problem is we are not in a position financially where we can give up my income and benefits.

Where can people go to learn how to be better money managers so that they can achieve their dreams? I see advertisments all of the time for things like Freedom 55, retire a millionaire, blah blah blah. I want someone to teach me how to get out of debt and live more frugally. Such things should exist. Before someone tells me about credit counselling let me tell you they're not interested in teaching you anything, they only want to get you into their "debt repayment plan" so they can take a chunk of your money. Useless.

My parents are not great money managers and I grew up knowing that money was always tight. I certainly didn't suffer but I came of age with the mindset that I wasn't going to deprive myself - or my kids. It's a terrible mindset. While I'm (mostly) past that now the debt I incurred follows me still. I wonder how many years I'll pay for my stupidity. Worse is the knowledge that my children are paying for my stupidity with my absence.

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