The acorn doesn't fall far
I was never married to James' father.
We met the summer I turned 17. He was my first serious boyfriend, in time he became my first lover. My family and friends hated him, but I was undeterred. He was charming, popular, cute, with a serious bad-boy streak, and I was in love. He was constantly running afoul of his strict Catholic parents, it was inevitable that he'd get thrown out of the house. When he did, I moved with him. We were freshly turned 18, he was a highschool dropout, I was going to school part time and working full time to cover the bills. We lived in a series of crappy basement apartments, me covering the bills while he picked up work here and there, mostly as a DJ. I was pregnant within a few months. We talked about marriage, but never seriously. Even then I think we knew it wouldn't work.
I worked right up to my due date. D continued bouncing from job to job. Then James was born, and everything changed for me. I became a mother, my life centered around that baby and providing him with a comfortable and stable home. I went back to school part time when he was 6 months old, D was yet again unemployed so he stayed home with the baby. I'd come home at noon to find James parked in a playpen with a bottle while D slept, day after day. At night D would head off to a bar, either to DJ or just to party, crawling home in the wee hours.
I put up with it until just after James' first birthday. It was a difficult decision to leave, to tear apart James' family, but I had to do it. I worked hard to make a good home for James, to provide him with all of the love and security possible. There was always enough food but few perks or treats. For a time D visited James frequently, but eventually he found other things to be interested it.
D drifted in and out of his son's life, showing up with flashy gifts each time, then vanishing for weeks. I met a wonderful man, and after awhile I moved 4 hours away from D.
C was interested in being a father to James, but not in replacing D. He hounded D to stay involved in James' life, to be a more predictable presence, to call him weekly and see him at least on major holidays.
Years passed. D married and had more children, and suddenly wanted to see more of James. While I continued to struggle financially D was now flush with cash and lavished gifts on James. I never fussed, I always believed that James would remember who had loved and cherished him his whole life and not be fooled by all that glitters.
I was wrong.
We met the summer I turned 17. He was my first serious boyfriend, in time he became my first lover. My family and friends hated him, but I was undeterred. He was charming, popular, cute, with a serious bad-boy streak, and I was in love. He was constantly running afoul of his strict Catholic parents, it was inevitable that he'd get thrown out of the house. When he did, I moved with him. We were freshly turned 18, he was a highschool dropout, I was going to school part time and working full time to cover the bills. We lived in a series of crappy basement apartments, me covering the bills while he picked up work here and there, mostly as a DJ. I was pregnant within a few months. We talked about marriage, but never seriously. Even then I think we knew it wouldn't work.
I worked right up to my due date. D continued bouncing from job to job. Then James was born, and everything changed for me. I became a mother, my life centered around that baby and providing him with a comfortable and stable home. I went back to school part time when he was 6 months old, D was yet again unemployed so he stayed home with the baby. I'd come home at noon to find James parked in a playpen with a bottle while D slept, day after day. At night D would head off to a bar, either to DJ or just to party, crawling home in the wee hours.
I put up with it until just after James' first birthday. It was a difficult decision to leave, to tear apart James' family, but I had to do it. I worked hard to make a good home for James, to provide him with all of the love and security possible. There was always enough food but few perks or treats. For a time D visited James frequently, but eventually he found other things to be interested it.
D drifted in and out of his son's life, showing up with flashy gifts each time, then vanishing for weeks. I met a wonderful man, and after awhile I moved 4 hours away from D.
C was interested in being a father to James, but not in replacing D. He hounded D to stay involved in James' life, to be a more predictable presence, to call him weekly and see him at least on major holidays.
Years passed. D married and had more children, and suddenly wanted to see more of James. While I continued to struggle financially D was now flush with cash and lavished gifts on James. I never fussed, I always believed that James would remember who had loved and cherished him his whole life and not be fooled by all that glitters.
I was wrong.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home