Wednesday, November 09, 2005

It's the little things that rip out your soul

Katie and I stayed home together yesterday. We didn't do much, just had a mostly quiet day. After lunch we ventured over to the park to play for awhile. The air was cold, beyond the crisp of the past couple of weeks, the wind had that edge to it that says winter is just around the corner.

So mittens on and hoods up we strolled. Along the way we found one particularly beautiful young maple that still had almost all of it's leaves. It was a perfect ball of orange against the blue sky. We admired it for a bit, and Katie plucked some of the fallen leaves from the grass, then we continued along.

The park was deserted. Katie implored me to push her on the swings ("swings are my very favourite thing in the whole world" - how can you resist that?). I tucked her leaves into my pocket and pushed her for about 20 minutes.

It's amazing how soothing swinging is. I remember how much I loved it as a child, flying, utterly alone with my thoughts in spite of the playground commotion below, and I wonder if grown up offices would be so stress-laden if swinging for a half hour a day was mandatory?

Afterwards Katie and I were cold, so we walked back home to have hot tea and animal crackers, and play more inside. Just a quiet day, me and my girl, until the boys started coming home at 4.

Today I'm at work, in the cesspool of misery that pays my mortgage, looking out the window at a heavy grey sky and the bustle of traffic flowing down the main drag. But I found in my jacket pocket two beautiful orange leaves, a little dried out but still vibrant. And I can't stop crying.

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