flies
Death is everywhere
There are flies on the windscreen for a start
Reminding us
We could be torn apart
Damn I'm in a funk lately. It feels like the entire world is going to hell all around me, and my own little world is sinking too. I'm bummed about money, I'm bummed about my shitty job that I can't quit because I need the money, I'm bummed about how miserable Jonah's daycare situation is but I can't fix it because of money, I'm bummed that some of my friends are down but I can't do much for them because of money, I'm bummed because my house is too freakin' small for 5 people but I can't change that because of money, I'm bummed because my family is too far away and I can't see them because of money. Friends getting married, friends having babies and we're conspiculously absent because of money.
It's not the love of money that is the root of all evil, it's money - just money itself. I was far happier when I was making peanuts but doing something I loved, and somehow we got by just fine. Now I make nearly twice as much money, but I hate it, and I spent half my day wishing I could be at home with my kids (while spending 2/3 of my paycheque on daycare). Still we slide further into debt, we cut more and more corners, we deny ourselves not just perks but often essentials (I haven't had my hair cut since November, I haven't bought new shoes since 2003), we're so snippy and tired and damned resentful, our whole home is becoming a toxic cesspool of frustration.
My woes are so small compared to what's going on in the rest of the world, but somehow that makes it even worse, like everyone is having a sucky life, adds to my "why bother" mentality.
I'm just a freakin' ball of joy.
There are flies on the windscreen for a start
Reminding us
We could be torn apart
Damn I'm in a funk lately. It feels like the entire world is going to hell all around me, and my own little world is sinking too. I'm bummed about money, I'm bummed about my shitty job that I can't quit because I need the money, I'm bummed about how miserable Jonah's daycare situation is but I can't fix it because of money, I'm bummed that some of my friends are down but I can't do much for them because of money, I'm bummed because my house is too freakin' small for 5 people but I can't change that because of money, I'm bummed because my family is too far away and I can't see them because of money. Friends getting married, friends having babies and we're conspiculously absent because of money.
It's not the love of money that is the root of all evil, it's money - just money itself. I was far happier when I was making peanuts but doing something I loved, and somehow we got by just fine. Now I make nearly twice as much money, but I hate it, and I spent half my day wishing I could be at home with my kids (while spending 2/3 of my paycheque on daycare). Still we slide further into debt, we cut more and more corners, we deny ourselves not just perks but often essentials (I haven't had my hair cut since November, I haven't bought new shoes since 2003), we're so snippy and tired and damned resentful, our whole home is becoming a toxic cesspool of frustration.
My woes are so small compared to what's going on in the rest of the world, but somehow that makes it even worse, like everyone is having a sucky life, adds to my "why bother" mentality.
I'm just a freakin' ball of joy.
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