Strike!

If you're a Canadian then you know that the public service is set to go out on strike October 7th (well, 80,000 people anyway, on top of the ones who are already on strike and in advance of another bunch set to go on strike after Canadian Thanksgiving). I mentioned before that, though I am part of the affected group of people, I am "designated essential" and am therefore prohibited from striking. Whatever, with 3 kids and two mortgages was there really any chance that I was going to strike anyway? Hello - I can't live on what I make now how am I supposed to live without even that?

Well today we all got hauled off yet again to the board room for a "strike information session" where a smug yet slightly uncomfortable HR representative gave a presentation about responsibilities during a strike and a creepy evil union guy shot down most of what he said. Bizarre hardly covers it. What really, truly pisses me off is how every one of us is fucked no matter what we do. The people who aren't essential have 2 options - come to work as usual, get paid their regular salaries and face massive fines and sanctions from the union or report to a picket line, sign in, picket for at least 4 hours, sign out and collect $50 but no wages from their regular job. Not many of my coworkers can live on $50/weekday. Being essential I thought I'd be shielded from most of the bullshit but nope, there's plenty to go 'round. I have to show up at work every day or face a $1000 per day fine from my employer PLUS the union expects me to hand over 25% of my fucking paycheque to cover their "emergency assistance fund" - so that the poor souls on the picket line can claim economic hardship and get extra cash from the union. What the fuck?? I didn't vote for this strike, I would be perfectly happy with the offer the treasury board made but I'm getting reamed no matter what. All this on top of the fact that ALL leave for September was denied due to the looming strike, and now ALL leave in October is prohibited because of the inevitable strike. I am so stressed out and so desperate for a day off but I can't take one. Plus Katie has a follow up with the opthalmologist next Thursday which I have to take her to, and I have to make up whatever time I miss with the appointment that evening. Chalk me up for another 12+ hour day.

Fuck, I don't know which I hate more: the union or the management.

Random thoughts

-Must be fall, I wore socks for the first time since April today.

-I tried using the term "sucks ass" yesterday. It's just not me. Cracks me up to read it but I just can't say it with panache.

-I told my boss I don't want to keep doing the cheese job. She responded with "we'll talk".

-I'm wondering if all of this diet coke is contributing to the near constant headache I've had the past month? More than a month actually.

-Lay's Sea Salt and Pepper chips are the most marvellous things ever.

-I should really think about doing Atkins.

OK here's an opinion question: I've been invited to an Indian wedding (Sikh). An Indian coworker of mine (Hindu) wants to loan me a gorgeous Indian costume (tunic, pants, headscarf) to wear to the wedding. I'd really love to wear it but I'm concerned that I'll offend either the wedding couple or their families/guests with my lily white face, blond hair and traditional Indian garb. Waddaya think? It's 1&1/2 weeks away...

migraine

Had my first migraine in nearly a year Thursday. The aura caught me off guard, for the first few moments I didn't even recognise it. I guess if I have to be a migraine sufferer I can be grateful to have classic migraines with aura, gives me a good 15-20 minutes to have someone take me home before I turn into a crying, howling useless lump of shit. Thankfully Thursday C could come pick me up (he even stopped for gravol, he knows how nauseous I get). Once I was home, drugged up and put into my cool dark bedroom I stayed there for 17 hours. Of course that meant Friday I had that groggy pukey sleep hangover and lost another day from work.

Stress. This stupid cheese job that I hate so much more every day is stressing me out to the point where I'm getting migraines again.

My boss emailed me today (she's out of the office until Wednesday) asking me if I'll stay on for a few weeks longer. I'm still working on a nice way to tell her I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork.

The (b)itching Hour

Forget the Italian lady, she wants $50 more per week than the woman we have now. Yeah, and she wonders why she keeps advertising daycare spaces and no one wants to sign on.....

So at what point do night wakings change from normal baby behaviour to a sign that something is wrong? In the past 15-and-a-half months Jonah has slept through the night perhaps 25 times (and I don't mean a 12 hour night, I mean 7-8 hours). This constant, chronic sleep deprivation is really bad for the whole family, C and I are groggy and short tempered, Katie isn't getting the sleep she needs to grow and develop, we're all sick far too frequently and it has to be connected to the lack of sleep. We've done the NCSS, we've done a modified CIO (*never* trying that again, what a freakin' nightmare) we've adjusted his diet, exercise level, pajamas, blankets, bedroom temperature, light level, noise level, bedtime, nap length, how close to bedtime he eats, we've stuck with basically the same bedtime routine for 9 months now. He goes down like a charm but invariably sometime between 11 and 2 he's SCREAMING. This child can't whimper and fall back asleep, or even cry a little, no, once he's conscious he's screeching. He seldom settles back down without intervention and at least 70% of the time that intervention is quite involved (rocking, walking, back-rubbing for half an hour). So here I sit blogging at 1:15am while Jonah (who's been awake since 11:45) plays beside me. No, I don't usually let him get up and play but an hour of walking and rocking with the constant screaming in my ear and I give up.

Daycare Dilemma

Warning: this is really long.

I've spoken endlessly about our tight financial situation. Daycare is certainly one area where we're paying far more than we can afford (about 2/3rds of my take-home pay goes straight to the sitter) but we've been justifying it because we've known our daycare provider forever and the kids are happy there.

That being said we've been thinking more and more and more about what we can do to reduce that expense down to something manageable. We don't qualify for subsidies. We discussed asking the sitter if she could reduce our rates, at least for awhile, but once we decided to talk to her about it she jumped in first with a rate increase (surprised the snot out of us and left us speechless). So yes, that means the daycare we already can't afford is now more expensive. So what are we left with? Finding another daycare provider I guess.

Our neighbour used to babysit Katie when she was tiny (from 7 months until 18 months). She stopped watching Katie because she became very ill and needed surgery and a lengthy convalescence. We weren't all that upset, she was exceptionally loving with Katie but we worried about her ability to keep up with a very active toddler, were concerned about the lack of educational stimuli she received there and were frankly sick of having to provide all of her food, all of her milk, stroller, pack 'n' play, basically everything.

So - we found a stay at home mom of one nearby who watched Katie, provided her with lots of games, outdoor play, nutritious food and snacks and affection. All that and well cheaper than the Italian lady! She was perfect. She watched Katie full time until I went on maternity leave with Jonah, and a couple of days a week when I was home so that I could spend one on one time with the baby, rest, do chores and run errands. Our bliss lasted until she became pregnant with her second child. She decided, rightfully, that she couldn't watch Katie and Jonah and her own newborn, especially with her older child starting kindergarten.

So - we called F, who had watched James after school when he was younger and who had been our back-up sitter for the past year anyway (when out SAHM sitter had appointments or was sick). She agreed to take on our two little ones, and told us that her regular rate was $30 each/day but she was going to give us a discount (since we have two) to $25 each/day. Sounded fine to us, more than we were paying our SAHM sitter but still doable, plus her house is set up like a daycare with loads of toys, a huge fenced yard, etc. I showed up the Friday before I was to report back to work for a visit (so that Jonah could get used to her and the other children) and we spent some time playing. The as I was leaving F says "so you know it's $30/child/day", and I said "uh, you said you'd give us a discount to $25 since we have two", and she says no, $30 is a discount, her regular rate is $32. Well I was floored but what could I do? I had to be at work at 9am Monday! So we tightened our belts and away we went. And it's mostly been good - but more and more lately there are things that are really bothering me: she lets them watch too much TV (and you *know* how much I hate TV), she let's Katie play on the computer too much (sure it's educational but really it's just a big interactive TV without the commercials isn't it?). She doesn't use that big backyard enough - in fact there are more days where they stay in all day then there are days where they get to play outside. The biggest issue I have is that I feel she's watching too many kids to be giving my kids the individual attention they need. She has in her care full time 3 babies under 2 years old, 1 2 year old, 1 three year old and one four year old, plus she has part time an almost 2 year old (2 days per week) and a 5 year old (half days every day). Surely that's too many? So add to all of that the rate increase (effective immediately, no warning) and you can see my dilemma.

I know who the best person to care for my children is, but I can't afford to stay home. My job not only comes with a paycheque but also benefits: medical, dental, eyeglasses, prescriptions, I can't begin to guess the value of all of that insurance (paid $160 of the $230 Katie's glasses cost).

So what do I do? Since my Italian neighbour's surgery and long convalescence she's gotten into fantastic shape and now seems to have more energy than I do. Do we take the kids back to her? They'd get fresh air and lots of individual attention but no educational stimuli. Do we look elsewhere, through an agency or centre? And how will we know if a new person will be a good fit with the kids?

Why does it have to be so hard?

The Cheese stands alone

I didn't mention in my blog my temporary work assignment. Due to bizarre government hiring practices, when our Team Leader left (in MAY) for a 1 year leave of absence a competition had to be held to replace him. I didn't apply because I like my job and frankly the team leader position seemed like a lot of BS. Long story short something went screwy with the competition process and they had to scrap everything and start it again. That was in AUGUST (so the position had been empty for 3 months already). I came to work the first day after my vacation and the Director (BIG BIG boss lady) called me into her office. First she told me off for not applying for the team leader position in the first place, then she told me that they needed someone to fill the position for 6 weeks while they sorted everything out, and they couldn't appoint someone who had applied since that would seem to be favouritism. Apparently that left one single person in the office who had the necessary qualifications but hadn't applied for the position. Me. Yup, the way to get a promotion in the government is to loudly tell people how much you don't want it and to not apply for it.

So - until October 8th I'm the big cheese. And I'm pretty good at it, though the experience so far has confirmed my belief that I'm absolutely the wrong person for the job (personality-wise).

Yesterday - yesterday was the day that changed the cheese job from something I dislike to something I hate. Yesterday someone was let go based on my input. Part of my cheese job is training - and then observing - new employees. I have to report to the really big cheese on their progress and prognosis. One wasn't making the grade. Honestly, I gave her lots of extra training, I partnered her with 3 different employees here trying to find someone she could learn from. Then yesterday I was forced to admit that there wasn't much hope she was ever going to come up to par. And today she's gone. And I feel like shit.

Eating crow (and other tasty snacks)

The phone rings bright and early Saturday morning - it's the MIL asking if all 5 of us would like to come for dinner that night to meet the overseas friends. As soon as I hung up I asked C if that meant I had to edit my blog rant. So consider this a public apology - sorry MIL (not that she reads anyway).

C opened the back of our dryer and right away found a scorched sensor - $15 for the part at an appliance repair shop (courtesy a discount from C's friend who's parents own the store - this is the smallest population 750,000 town on the planet) and now we're back in business. However it doesn't mark the end of our appliance woes, no indeed. More on that.

Sunday some of C's work friends came for dinner which was wonderful, super nice people (and J is a photo nut like me so I got to drag out some of the albums :) ) and soooo much food. C made nice big steaks, and there was paté and Brie and lots of other yummies. I was so full afterwards I practically rolled up the stairs. Katie as usual provided the entertainment, what goes through the minds of 3 year olds anyway? Anyway after our company left I loaded the dishwasher and turned it on, but for some reason we stayed in the kitchen instead of heading off for other parts of the house. After maybe 60 seconds C says "I smell smoke". Yup, it was pluming from the dishwasher. The dishwasher which, I might add, we purchased brand-spanking new in April. Anyway we stopped it, fanned out all of the smoke, then C reset it and started it again and it worked fine (with a lingering burnt stench). I still hovered around until it was done, call me paranoid. We have murdered 4 appliances in the past 13 months - our fridge died the week before the big blackout in August 2003, our washing machine died at Christmas, our dishwasher in April, and now the dryer (which is thankfully fixed for now). That only leaves the stove, and the clock conked out on it about 6 weeks ago so it's due. Hmmm, perhaps if it does die I can get a self-cleaning one, wouldn't that be loverly :)

And my earlier rant about seeing the man in black pointing a gun at me... well today I didn't see him, at least not in time :(

Love me, love my kids?

I think my kids are great. I'm not one of those deluded moms who thinks the sun rises and sets on her little hellions and the whole world should worship them (while they're burning down the neighbourhood and torturing small animals generally). I know my beauties aren't perfect but they are generally good kids, nice people, for the most part well mannered and nice to spend time with.

So why am I the only one who thinks that?

My inlaws have been finding reasons pretty much since Katie's birth to exclude the kids from the things they do. The latest episode involves a visit from their overseas friend (why yes, it is the same overseas friend that they spent 5 weeks with to miss out on Jonah's birth). The MIL called on Friday (while C was off on his annual canoe trip) to tell me how anxious they were that C have an opportunity to meet the friend, and how they'd contact C when he got back to make arrangements with him for a time that he's available. Yeah, I get the picture. Yesterday C's sister calls, are we free Sunday to meet the overseas friend but oh, you have to find a sitter because the kids are so distracting. It's a moot point since we have plans for Sunday already (plans I might add which involve our children). Basically what the SIL told me is that it's OK for her 2 year old granddaughter to be there, and it's OK for our infant nephew to be there, and of course it's OK for her teenaged kids to be there but my children are unwelcome.

Then again, why would I want to go places or spend time with people who don't like my children anyway?

Kibbles and bits

Why in a world where technology allows us to have cell phones the size of lipstick vials can they not make a radar gun that doesn't look, well, like a gun? Again I was driving to work today, listening to the news, half lost in thought when I catch a glimpse of a man dressed in black standing on the side of the road aiming a gun at my head. It was a cop, and he was aiming a radar gun but my heart had skipped four or five beats before that part registered in my brain. Surely that causes more accidents than it prevents?

I haven't blogged much lately - partly due to the mental exhaustion that comes with my new cheese job (only 5 more weeks), partly because we've given up our cable internet for cheapy dial-up and partly because it's tough for me to blog when I don't have a lot of happy things to say. Bad enough to drag myself down without taking the 2.4 people who regularly read my blog with me. I'll try to blather more often but be warned it may not be pretty (well, was it ever?) Our already tight money situation has further degraded, and today our dryer died. Our stupid condo board won't allow us to hang our clothes outside to dry in the summer sun and we certainly can't afford to replace the dryer so we're stuck for now. Maybe it'll turn out to be fixable. But I doubt it.